So I recently became a free agent. At about 8:56 Champaign-time last night, as Chief Illiniwek left the court in Assembly Hall, my enthusiasm for Illini sports left with him.
Will I still root for them? Sure.
Will I still go to games? Yep.
Will I ever be as fanatical as I was when I went to New Orleans to see the Sugar Bowl in 2001 or when I went fetal while watching the waning moments of the National Championship game in 2005? Unfortunately I highly doubt it.
So that leaves me with untapped fanaticism without an outlet. Your mission: Find me a new school to root for! Convince me that your Alma mater or just your favorite college is the one for me.
Things I will consider when picking a winner:
1. Originality of the mascot. The Bulldogs, Wildcats, Tigers and Eagles of the world aren't disqualified, but they are definitely behind the eight-ball. You'll have to explain why your Tigers are so much better than the other Tigers in your conference (Yes, LSU I'm talking to you).
2. Though I really like native American nicknames, there must be an active tribe receiving payouts from the university as to assure they won't get Illini-ed like my true Alma mater just did. I really can't take that again. I call this the Florida State Factor. Coversely your school cannot have gotten rid of a Native American mascot in the recent past. I'm talking to the Stanfords, the Miami of Ohios, the SE Missouri States of the world.
3. Recent athletic success. I have enough losers in my personal stable (IE. the Cubs)so if I'm going to pick a new team, they should be a winner. Football success trumps basketball success. Recent success in both would be awesome! Hear me, Florida?
4. School colors. I don't want to own another f'ing orange shirt...and I'm not all that crazy about purple. Nobody looks good in purple.
5. Though small schools are not disqualified, it would be nice to have a school that I can watch a game on TV now and then. Bigger schools have the inside track.
6. The college cannot have "Notre" or "Dame" in their name.
7. Heated rivalries are a plus. Then I not only get a new school to root for, I get a new school to hate! Heated rivalries with cool names are even better (Red River Shootout, The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party).
8. Unique traditions.
9. Cool logos that look good on hats.
10. Any other factors that my fickle ass decides on (I have a problem with their basketball uniforms, Vanilla Ice once wore a shirt from that school in a video, etc).
So take a stab at it! Post your reasons here on my blog and I will pick a winner. Deadline for entries is Midnight CST, March 19th...and I'll announce a winner by April 1st.
Once a winner is anounced, I'll buy some gear from my new school, take a picture and post it on this site.
What's in it for you? Well the first time I attend a game at my new school, I'll buy you a beer and you can have your pick from my extensive collection of orange t-shirts.
Good luck and GO(insert your school here)!!!!
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40 comments:
There's only one answer to your dilema -- the Mighty Gators of Florida.
Originality of the Mascot? Well, it's not a bulbous red blob, but do you know any other school with a Gators mascot?
Native American Nickname? No. We leave the hostility and abuse for the clown college on the panhandle.
Recent Athletic Success? Reigning national champions in both major sports. Plus pretty solid Olympic sport success.
4. You don't have to buy any new clothes. O&B baby. OK, maybe you don't like orange. That's OK. Gators are more blue-friendly.
5. 46,000 students. 2,000 acre campus. 900 buildings. Big enough for you?
6. The school is NOT Notre Dame.
7. Rivalries against UGA, UT, FSU and to a lesser extent, Miami, Auburn, LSU and South Carolina.
8. Mr. Two Bits. Gator chomp. Etc.
9. http://cty.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/p837359reg.jpg
Strong opening salvo from my friend ATL! Nicely played!
I dated a UF girl about 10 years ago and have even been to a game in the Swamp....so I'm familiar!
Well, since you asked, I'll post my alma mater but I don't think you'll get on board with them.
Go Augustana Vikings!
Okasa....is that the Augustana in Illinois or Augustana in South Dakota?
PLEASE say South Dakota!!!
Western Kentucky since Illie's cousin is the mascot.
Brad... no I went to THAT Augustana.
Did you know that while I was there, Augustana's football team had a 60 game unbeaten streak and appeared in the Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowl 5 times, winning 4 and the one time they lost was to a team that became a Division 2 school the next year.
Seriously have you thought about rootin' for the OSU Beavers? At least you could keep your orange shirts...
Oh, Okasa....
Sorry to crush your hopes but I’m afraid I have to invoke rule number 10 on you here. Though not explicitly stated, I don’t see how I can root for a team that is the Alma mater of a woman who recently attempted to emotionally eviscerate me. While dating her, I did visit there. It was a very nice place. I ate a really yummy sandwich. Unfortunately you picked the one school that I’d likely pick Notre Dame and Duke over right now.
Feel free to give it another try and enter again!
Western Kentucky could be considered....but I do prefer that my mascots have genitalia....male OR female.
I'm just kind of creeped out by large furry hermaphrodites. It’s a thing I have..
I'm just kind of creeped out by large furry hermaphrodites. It’s a thing I have..
Are you Jerry Falwell?
After reading all of your needs for a team, there is only one team that fits your needs.
That team also happens to my #2 team after Illinois.
The University of Texas.
1) Anyone else have a "longhorn" for a mascot? Also, catch phrases like "Hook 'em Horns" are nice as well as the neat hand symbol you can make.
2) No native American nickname. I do not see liberal beef ousting any university symbols.
3) 2005 National Champions in football and top recruiting classes every year. The basketball team has this kid, maybe you've heard of him...his name is Kevin Durant. He should be the #1 pick in this year's draft. They'll still be good next season with three freshman and one sophomore starter returning. They lack size this season, but are bringing in a top 10 PF and C next season. The Longhorns also make frequent appearances in the College World Series.
4)Texas is orange, just like Illinois. Wash your shirts and leave them outside to fade just a bit and you have the Texas burnt orange.
5)Texas at Austin is not only one of the biggest public schools in the country, it's also up there in the ranks of academics (for public schools).
6)Check...and Texas will beat teams with either of those names in either major sport they plan in.
7)Texas-Oklahoma
8)The state of Texas is full of tradition. I've never been able to visit the campus so I'm not really up on campus traditions, but maybe we can road trip to Austin and party to find out. I'm sure there will be some co-eds down there willing to help out a couple of fine, upstanding gentlemen like ourselves.
9)I love Texas hats. The Longhorn head looks especially great with an orange logo on a white hat (my favorite baseball cap), but the white logo on an orange hat is also nice.
10) Because we can share fandom of this school and watch Kevin Durant pull a Carmelo Anthony in this year's NCAA Tournament.
Upon reading the other comments...there just isn't any other options than the University of Texas Longhorns.
Defense rests.
JAYD!!!
Well put my man! Added bonus on the fact I have a Texas bar stumbling distance from my apartment (Brownstone).
This could start to get interesting.
you're still not getting my emails apparently, so here is my submission:
Oglethorpe University here in Atlanta.
Mascot: The Stormy Petrels. (I honestly don't think you knew that one... I'd be infinitely impressed)
Colors: yellow and black I think.
Indian Tribe: I'm not sure, but they're old and in atlanta... got to be an indian tribe somewhere.
Other perks: 1) School looks like giant castle and 2) Has character from aqua teen hunger force named after it (the spikey aliens, emory and oglethorpe, are names after local colleges)
And hell, you're down here often enough to go see them, right?
I just wrote an entire page of a submission and it deleted.
Although Florida got a head start at the beginning, I submit for your approval, Fayetteville's Finest:
Arkansas Razorbacks
1. OG Mascot - Razorback. No other team in the nation sports the mighty Razorback, which is the most aggressive of the boar - with tusks several inches long, and bodies up 300+ lbs. With many manifestations (Big Red, Sue E., Pork Chop, Boss Hog and Tusk), Tusk is a REAL 380lb Boar.
2. No Native American Nicknames, only Hogs.
3. Recent athletic success: FB 2006 SEC West Division Champions, only being beaten by a no-name, isn't-worthy-of-your-new-team team in the SEC Championship game. --Other notable sports distinctions: --Football: in 34 bowl games, 6 since 1999. --Basketball: 28 bids to NCAA Tournament (ranks 9th-best in nation) & 6 trips to Final Four (also 9th-best). --Baseball: 18 NCAA Tournament bids with 5 trips to College World Series, incl 2004. --Track: won 42 nat championships, many Olympians. -- Tennis: 9 NCAA Tournament appearances last 13 years. And this was only the MEN's.
4. Colors: Razorback Red (the best crimson red you can imagine) and white. Scientific studies have found that Razorback red IS the most appealing AND sought after red in the universe.
5. School Size: 17,929 total/13,957 instate. - 50/50 female/male ratio. -Avg H.S ACT= 25.5 / Avg H.S. GPA= 3.58. - Libraries: 5, Res. Halls= 12. -130 buildings on 345 beautiful hill acres. - NCAA Division I-A, Southeastern Conference
6. Notre Dame Whoo???
7. Rivals: LSU - We have a trophy called "The Boot" that passes back and forth depending on winner. It is a big deal for both teams, and has been tradition for 11 years. -- ALL SEC teams are a rival. SEC has THE toughest conference in the country, hands down. One USC in conference is NOTHING compared to the 6+ SEC teams in bowls this past year (BCS & Non-).
8. Unique traditions: Arkansas Fans know how to "Call Them Hogs". You have never heard a team call until you have witnessed the Call of the Hogs in person. Wooooo, Pig Sooie!
Arkansas was also the first school who's announcer implemented the crowd supported "FIRST DOWN" cheer. Example: (caps signify crowd screams) announcer: "McFadden completes a 35 yard run for another Arkansas Razorback...FIRST DOWN". Since it's inception many years back, we have heard it at a few other stadiums. It's catching on.
9. Cool logos: No other team in the nation has a had with a Razorback on it. (Unfortunately, the SEC alone has 2 Tigers and 2 Bulldogs). You will see no other Hog.
10. Any other factors that my fickle ass...Long time Athletic Director, Frank Broyles stepped down from his position last week, opening the field to a new AD. Names that have been dropped as successors: Clemson athletics director Terry Don Phillips, Eastern Michigan athletics director Derrick Gragg, Colorado Rockies president Keli McGregor, to name a few. Regardless of who is picked, it will only bring Arkansas further in the scheme of all things championship.
crankyassjess! I like!
Nice outside contender! Definitely in the thick of the hunt.
Oh and another factor is I would love to have a reason to yell "Woo, Pig! Sooie!!!!” That would be hella fun!!
My vote is for my 2nd favorite school, LSU.
Yes, the Tiger isn't especially original, but the cool thing about LSU's Tiger is that his name is Mike and he is a real Tiger. Since 1936, LSU has had real live Tigers serve as "Mike."
No Indian nicknames, but Tigers eat real live Indians (dot).
They are a perennial football power, finishing in the top 10 4 of the last 6 years, including a split title in 2003. They also boast last year's deep run in basketball lead by Big Baby and Tyrus Thomas.
You don't like purple, but gold is really their predominant color & purple is a pretty good accent color. Very mardi gras-esque.
State school, 33k students and one of the best looking campuses I've ever been to. Oh, and the girls are smokin'.
Not Notre Dame. In fact, they laid whoopin' to Notre Dame in the last Sugar Bowl.
Rivalries against Arkansas, Ole Miss, Auburn and Tulane. Of late, the Auburn rivalry has been particularly intense.
While we may have started (or at least claimed to have) tailgating, they really, really do it right in Baton Rouge. ESPN named it the best place to party pregame and the Sporting News named it the best place to watch a football game. Plenty of great fun traditions at the football games, as well.
check out hats that have the actual tiger symbol on them. they're quite sweet.
lastly, their fans are so rabid, that in a game in 1988, they cheered so loudly it registered on the richter scale. LSU won the famous "earthquake game" 7-6.
I would like to nominate/make comments on the current suggestions
- Florida? While we appreciate their gift of Ron Zook to our football program, DONT DO IT.
- Western Kentucky is in ....Kentucky
- WOO PIG SIZZLE.
- The Longhorn brown looks like some sort of color of vomit.
- I like the idea of LSU, if merely for the fact that you can yell "BIG BABY" everytime he scores or does something worth yelling (which could just be, being on TV)
-I present my suggestion of SIU. No one else has a half-man/half-dog scary mascot. While its not a huge school, I presume their % of Nascar fans is fairly high (gotta be a bonus for you).
If Texas looks like vomit, the SIU looks like shit.
LSU is the closest competitor to Texas...but Austin and the women there should eliminate any ties.
Florida = too hurricane-y.
Anonymous:
Although my eyebrows raise and my eyes roll with your "Woo Pig Sizzle" comment, I would like to agree with you on one point.
In Arkansas, the only good Longhorn Logo is UPSIDE DOWN, with a Razorback (or other SEC team logo accepted) on top of it. If you throw the "hook em horns finger sign", it better be down. #1 best place for a longhorn logo: Click here, it's work safe.
Hahahaha. Just kidding Jayd...sorta. I just wanted to rip on Texas a little. Ever since TX tried to build a secret water pipeline into Arkansas to steal our water (because we had no laws in place protecting it, didn't know we needed one), I have to take shots when they present themselves. :)
Another knock on Florida:
How can you pull for a team that makes Bruce Pearl look good?
Game. Set. Match.
As a Jacksonville, Florida native, and someone who spent a year at UF, I'm fairly obligated to proclaim that it is indeed, "great to be a flo-ri-da ga-tor"
-Listener ShinRa
I was going to give a reply but then I read rule #6.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TIKI!
ASU would be my second choice because of the wimmens and local
Sooie!!!!
I would like to submit for your approval, the Maryland Terrapins. As I remember, when the topic came up in 2002, you seemed to already have an affinity for them. Now, as for the rules:
1. No one has a turtle, let alone a terrapin!
2. Unless PETA gets involved, I think we're safe with the nickname
3. 2002 Men's NCAA Basketball Champ, 2006 Women's NCAA Basketball Champ, 2001 ACC Football Champ, 2005-06 Field Hockey Champ, 2005-06 Men's Soccer Champ
4. Red and white are the primary, with black and gold as the secondary colors.
5. 32000 students, 1500 acre campus.
6. Not even in the same conference as the college which shall not be named.
7. Duke and Virginia specifically. MD-Duke basketball matchups are now legendary.
8. FEAR THE TURTLE!!! Students jingle keys at football games to cheer to keep the noise down so the offense can hear.
9. http://www.extremeglow.com/Merchant4/graphics/00000001/BLUMD.jpg
10. Jim Henson went to U of MD and based Statler and Waldorf on 2 of his professors there. Maryland has one of the best state flags. It's red and white, black and gold quadrants makes it easy to identify even when in a crowd of flags.
Uh....so who won? Michian? BOOOOOOO. :)
TIKI- this is a no brainer- MARYLAND. 1) great teams- in the last 4 years we've had men's b-ball, women's b-ball, men's soccer, field hockey (okay 1/2 a point for that), and we're semi-decent in football. but stupid BC, miami, va tech and fla state will probably keep us from winning ACC again.
2) we're an EFFING TURTLE. come on- other than the Banana Slugs of UCSB is there a more wimpy yet cool mascot??
3) Duke-Md- we effing hate them. they are a bunch of white spoiled southern WASPs with zero culture who have 1 and only 1 sport they're good at and we've P0WNED them even at Cameron the last few years. nothing excites us more than beating those crybabies from Duke.
4) testudo (name of our mascot) sits in front of the grad library- you rub his nose before exams for good luck and the OTHER legend is if a virgin ever graduates, he'll fly away. he's been firmly planted for decades. ;)
5) red and white- good colors.
6) kick arse state flag.
7) see #3- only people who went to Duke like duke- you can hate them like you hate scUM or Notre Damned.
sincerely,
terpjay
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