Well my nephew invited me downstate for Father-Son Weekend at his fraternity. The following is a high level recap of the festivities. Names have been changed to protect the innocent:
Start off with beer at frat house.
Watch nephews roommate fill a glass 3/4 full of jager and then top it off with a splash of red bull. I'm a little afraid now.
Beer, wings and cheese fries at bar. Lite Drafts = $1.75
Kegs of Beer at house across from frat house called "The Hive".
B-ball game.
Back to "The Hive". More beer. Much more beer.
Convinced a dude named "Diesel", who THINKS he rammed his head into a wall the night before causing the large marks on his face , that he should run for President one day.
Nephew starts introducing me to every girl he can find with big boobs.
Diesel start campaigning by shaking the hand of everyone walking into the party, "Vote for me for president, but not now....when I'm 35." I'm proud I can inspire the nations youth.
Tell a kid how much I love his Kyle Orton jersey and offer to buy it. I call him Neckbeard the rest of the night.
*big boobied blonde* "Your Uncle Brad is cute and so funny! How old is he?"
*Nephew* Age doesn't matter.
That's my boy!
Kegs run out.
Sober pledge drives me, my brother-in-law and nephew to bar in d'town Blormal. Nearly plotz that I order three Lite drafts and get over $6 in change on a $10.
More beer, jager bombs, soco and lime
Girl starts making dirty faces at me. So I start making Brad faces at her. She comes over and explains that she's really making them at a guy standing behind me wearing Cardinals hat and compliments me on my Bears hat. We talk. She goes back to her killjoy roommate at the table who is pouting. She comes back in 15 minutes and hands me a beer and apologizes that she has to leave because of her roommate being too cold.
More Beer. More shots. Bar closes, sober pledge drives us back to frat.
"UNCLE BRAD!"
Jager guy puking in nephews room. Join party playing asshole in other room. Drink much more beer with group of people I don't know.
*blurry girl* "You're so funny, when are you coming back down?"
Brother-in-law falls asleep at urinal standing up. Boys tried to wake him up. "Mr. So-and-so, Mr. So-and-so, wake up!...... Aw fuck it, go get a camera!" Unfortunately he woke up and shook it off before we got the camera.
I head down to kitchen and talk to girls with my younger nephew. Watch my older nephew drop a whole pizza on the floor. He still ate the crust.
Crawl into unoccupied bed up in common sleeping area at 4ish. Was one of last few standing. I was proud of me.
Wake up at 11 the next morning.. Come down stairs.
*group* "UNCLE BRAD, YOU CASANOVA!"
"Uncle Brad, I hear you were hitting on my girl!"
"Could you be more specific? I remember talking to a lot of girls."
I open a can of Keystone Light.
Start off with beer at frat house.
Watch nephews roommate fill a glass 3/4 full of jager and then top it off with a splash of red bull. I'm a little afraid now.
Beer, wings and cheese fries at bar. Lite Drafts = $1.75
Kegs of Beer at house across from frat house called "The Hive".
B-ball game.
Back to "The Hive". More beer. Much more beer.
Convinced a dude named "Diesel", who THINKS he rammed his head into a wall the night before causing the large marks on his face , that he should run for President one day.
Nephew starts introducing me to every girl he can find with big boobs.
Diesel start campaigning by shaking the hand of everyone walking into the party, "Vote for me for president, but not now....when I'm 35." I'm proud I can inspire the nations youth.
Tell a kid how much I love his Kyle Orton jersey and offer to buy it. I call him Neckbeard the rest of the night.
*big boobied blonde* "Your Uncle Brad is cute and so funny! How old is he?"
*Nephew* Age doesn't matter.
That's my boy!
Kegs run out.
Sober pledge drives me, my brother-in-law and nephew to bar in d'town Blormal. Nearly plotz that I order three Lite drafts and get over $6 in change on a $10.
More beer, jager bombs, soco and lime
Girl starts making dirty faces at me. So I start making Brad faces at her. She comes over and explains that she's really making them at a guy standing behind me wearing Cardinals hat and compliments me on my Bears hat. We talk. She goes back to her killjoy roommate at the table who is pouting. She comes back in 15 minutes and hands me a beer and apologizes that she has to leave because of her roommate being too cold.
More Beer. More shots. Bar closes, sober pledge drives us back to frat.
"UNCLE BRAD!"
Jager guy puking in nephews room. Join party playing asshole in other room. Drink much more beer with group of people I don't know.
*blurry girl* "You're so funny, when are you coming back down?"
Brother-in-law falls asleep at urinal standing up. Boys tried to wake him up. "Mr. So-and-so, Mr. So-and-so, wake up!...... Aw fuck it, go get a camera!" Unfortunately he woke up and shook it off before we got the camera.
I head down to kitchen and talk to girls with my younger nephew. Watch my older nephew drop a whole pizza on the floor. He still ate the crust.
Crawl into unoccupied bed up in common sleeping area at 4ish. Was one of last few standing. I was proud of me.
Wake up at 11 the next morning.. Come down stairs.
*group* "UNCLE BRAD, YOU CASANOVA!"
"Uncle Brad, I hear you were hitting on my girl!"
"Could you be more specific? I remember talking to a lot of girls."
I open a can of Keystone Light.
4 comments:
Ron Guenther is a Spurs fan. Eff him.
Who's in the picture? Don't protect them.
It's my nephew and my brother-in-law.
It's my nephew and my brother-in-law.
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